Shaadi Ke Side Effects

6 03 2014

Warning: This is a spoiler!

 shaadi-ke-side-effects

It’s a decent movie depicting a very real issue in today’s marriages. Well made. Begins with a good and interesting beginning. Takes you through captivating narration until the break. The second half loses its sheen a trifle as it begins but eventually gets better towards the end.

Hmm.. What kind of a cryptic review is this! Phew!!!

Anyways, I have only one point to make about the movie. The urge was too much to resist and hence this unplanned post. 😛

I didn’t really understand why the sensible Mrs. Roy made too much of Mr. Roy’s  secret life. I didn’t understand why didn’t she think about why it happened in the first place? I was disappointed in her.

Whatever Mr. Roy’s intentions were, his response to her mistake/wrong was commendable. He feels that his behavior/absence has made her do it. It may be true or not, but the point is he was thinking about “why she might have done it”.

I don’t condone Mr. Roy’s actions completely, but it’s obvious that she ignored him all the while after the baby happened. She excluded him from her and the baby. She turned into a mother and forgot to be a wife.

In Little women, when Meg does the same mistake – by engrossing too much into the twins, leaving John lonely, John seeks solace in his guy friends and company.  They quarrel a lot.  But there, Marmee comes to the rescue by pointing out to Meg her folly and reminding her of her priorities.

But in this movie, no such realization happens. Mr. Roy is the only bad guy here.  😦

I wonder how come such an age-old wisdom escapes the filmmakers. Maybe they didn’t want it to be too preachy. But if so, what’s the whole point? In the end I’m confused about what’s the movie is trying to convey – what did Mr. Roy learn??

I would rather have Mr. Roy realize this: that it’s not easy to be a new mom. It’s highly stressful – both physically and emotionally. He should be really patient and understanding, and not abscond at the sign of discomfort.

And what about the last scene??  Didn’t she abhor the exact same act of her husband?? 🙄

I completely agree that the “me time” is essential for everyone. Mrs. Roy needs it just as much as Mr. Roy. She let herself lose in the new responsibility  so much and for so long that sooner or later a time came when she really needed a break – just as Meg did in Little Women.

I am all for the “me time” because it’s rejuvenating. But it can also be had with mutual knowledge. Why the need for secrecy, if not for the extra thrill?  😛 Of course, the former works only when each party is understanding and sensible to the other.

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Happiness vs women

23 03 2013

Recently, I came across a post on Facebook, which ran as follows:

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 

  1. Feed him
  2. Sleep with him
  3. Leave him with peace
  4. Don’t check his phone (Msgs)
  5. Don’t bother him with his movements

So whats so hard about that ?

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

It’s really not too difficult but…. To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be: 

  1. a friend
  2. a companion
  3. a lover
  4. a brother
  5. a father
  6. a master
  7. a chef
  8. an electrician
  9. a plumber
  10. a mechanic
  11. a carpenter
  12. a decorator
  13. a stylist
  14. a sexologist
  15. a gynecologist
  16. a psychologist
  17. a pest exterminator
  18. a psychiatrist
  19. a healer
  20. a good listener
  21. an organizer
  22. a good father
  23. very clean
  24. sympathetic
  25. athletic
  26. warm
  27. attentive
  28. gallant
  29. intelligent
  30. funny
  31. creative
  32. tender
  33. strong
  34. understanding
  35. tolerant
  36. prudent
  37. ambitious
  38. capable
  39. courageous
  40. determined
  41. true
  42. dependable
  43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

  1. give her compliments regularly
  2. Go shopping with her
  3. be honest
  4. be very rich
  5. not stress her out
  6. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

  1. give her lots of attention
  2. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
  3. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes. 

BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT

never forget

  1. *birthdays
  2. *anniversaries
  3. *valentine
  4. *arrangements she makes. 

true or false?

Though it clearly is an exaggeration and mostly meant to be in jest, I felt there is a hint of truth about it. May be more than just a hint.

While women really don’t need all of the above to make them happy, I agree that their list would be definitely longer than men’s list. 🙂

It clearly can be deduced from the men’s list that they largely seek women for comfort and pleasure. I wonder  why and rather disappointed that  even “companionship” is left out of the list.

However, I feel that the list provided here of men’s needs (to make them happy) ought to include a few more things. Just off the top of my mind, men also want their women to be

  • Master chefs
  • Housekeepers – (spot clean house  and everything in order – cleaning, scrubbing, washing, ironing, dusting etc.)
  • Nurses
  • Caretakers of their parents
  • Above all, make them feel most  important; “worship” is even better 🙂

To be able to do all the above of course, a woman needs to be adept in planning and organizing, have lots of patience, be skilled, and nothing more. 😉

Doesn’t a man really care enough whether his woman is cheerful, honest, warm, passionate, loving, compassionate, understanding, and supportive ? May be these are only nice-to-haves. 🙂 Intelligent, capable, courageous, ambitious are perhaps undesirable or even unimaginable for many – out of syllabus stuff. Lol!

So, why do women want much more from their men, while men seem to want so little? It’s the most important advantage of being a man in this society. You don’t need another person to define yourself, to find meaning in your life. As a consequence you can view and seek another person only for pleasure, comfort and at best, companionship.

But this has not been the case with women for I’m not sure how long . They believe, in fact they are conditioned/ made to believe, that a woman is incomplete until she has a man in her life.  Marriage is the holy grail; husband is the essence of her existence and life.  So she seeks just that from her man – a one-stop solution to her problems, concerns, pleasures, desires, wishes, whatever.

So, girls have pity on our men and rise to the occasion. They are stifling under our dependence, expectations and needs. 🙂 Let’s not burden them any longer and free them;  view them only as sources of comfort and pleasure just like they view us. It’s not very difficult. We have only our centuries long conditioning – in the form of literature, media, culture, social norms – to fight off. Let’s define ourselves and find meaning and purpose in our lives independent of any other being. Let’s give them a lot easier way to make us happy. Let’s not give our men a reason to lament on these grounds again.  🙂

Note: This post is just meant to be in “jest” just as the original post on FB was meant to be. However it’s open to interpretation. 😉





Reaching out to siblings

19 12 2009

Siblings occupy a very special place in one’s life. They are among the very few people we usually take for granted in our lives. Next to our parents, they are the ones who know everything about us, they are the ones who influence us and are in turn influenced by us the most during our early years. Even though “sibling rivalry” persists, our brother/sisters are our closest kin.

Everything seems wonderful during childhood. Even though we quarrel, we are sure to reconcile with each other in no time. And I don’t think we ever see communication as a potential problem, while we still live under the same roof. But all doesn’t remain the same forever. In later years, things will change but still our lives remain intertwined at least until we move out into the world and have our own lives.

There is even a possibility that our paths may not cross often and we may have to depend only on festivals and rituals for the opportunities to get together or to even just talk to each other.

We may suddenly realize that we need to make an effort to communicate and to keep in touch. In these modern days, where people, in the name of individualism, seem to have become very selfish and self-centered, maintaining any kind of relationship has become a little difficult. Of course, things would definitely be better in cases where a true friendship exists among/between siblings, but I frankly have no idea about how common such an occurrence is.

It is important for the siblings to continue to balance the love, responsibilities and obligations towards each other and have a sense of being a family. I just hope that our busy lives and self-centeredness don’t affect our affections and more importantly “attentions” towards our siblings. I hope we don’t drift apart and become more materialistic. I feel that more and frequent communication is the magical key.

I don’t mean to generalize this phenomenon or project this as a trend and I believe there are many people who continue to play significant role in their siblings’ life and continue to be in harmony with each other. These are just my reflections based on some of the cases I’ve observed, which really made me start thinking. While it can be, to certain extent, attributed to individual personalities and circumstances, looking at the big picture definitely makes us  wonder.