Julian Treslove

20 02 2012

It’s not easy to be a Libran. In the perpetual process of attaining balance, one oscillates between the positive and negative moods and emotions, it appears, for a considerable period of time, before one can experience a brief moment of perfect balance.  This observation is not something I came up with originally but realized it as a fact when I encountered it in the famous Linda Goodman’s book. A Libran woman is  a lot of other things of course, and I exclaimed in pleasant surprise as she made one accurate description after another. It isn’t going too far if I say that she managed to shape certain perceptions about myself and gave words to describe myself. Without any doubt, not everything would have fit me perfectly and I had only been romanticizing things as a result of my over enthusiasm. 😛

Well, all said and done, I can’t completely rule out the agitating and the inherent unrest in my personality. I constantly move between feeling high and feeling low; elation and depression; at times I feel so sure about myself and my life, while at other times I am drowned in confusion. For every positive feeling, there lurks around a corresponding negative feeling awaiting its chance to engulf me in its embrace. It’s like a never-ending battle to win the elusive peace.

Right now, I’m kind of feeling low, unsure of myself and over whelmed by life in general. As it happens, I’m reading a Booker winner fiction – The Finkler’s Question by Howard Jacobson. I can’t say how it is. It’s not very interesting and at the same time it’s not too dull. It’s protagonist Julian Treslove is a very depressing character. Pretty strange and pitiful too. His greatest ambition/fantasy in his life is to have his wife tragically dying in his arms so that he can mourn her death with utmost devotion. He fantasizes about how his heart would be broken by that incident and how he leads the rest of his life as a living corpse drowned in the loss. He is such a pathetic and self-absorbed person that none around him derives any pleasure from him or his company. Not that he tries for it. He is just too absorbed in his own fantasies and imaginary grief to do or be anything else. I wonder how it would feel like to be Treslove and the idea itself is too depressing to bear.

Well, reading about him evoked two contradictory thoughts in me. While on one side I feel how much better a position I’m in, on the other side, I can’t help relating to certain aspects of him, especially in these “low spirit days” of mine. Do people around me derive any happiness or even just pleasantness from me? As a person with my own share of fantasies and imaginary get-aways , there comes a doubt in my mind as to whether I’m as impractical, self-absorbed, and silly as Treslove. I certainly hope not. The thought itself scares the wits out of me, and with good reason.

It’s quite intriguing to  imagine a  person who forever is eluded by happiness and even worse, is not looking for happiness but rather the opposite; a person caught in the web of his own intricate thoughts and fantasies that life is just slipping by without being actually lived. It’s obvious that Treslove represents a very extreme case. But it seems to me that there is a part of Treslove in at least some of us. After all, obsession is not a stranger to anyone; it’s just the object or idea that varies.

I’m only around 100 pages into the novel and I’m sure there is more of Treslove that I would discover in due course. In a way, I’m apprehensive about what I would find.

The work is unlike anything I read before. It is also difficult to guess the direction that the story tends to take . Being not well acquainted with anything relating to Jews, Israel, Egypt etc, I’m finding it more than difficult to decipher the nuances presented in the narration.

As of now, I have no clue what Treslove would do to me when I finish the book and how much he haunts or influences me in the future. God save me from Julian Treslove. 🙂

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4 responses

23 02 2012
Haritha

People certainly dervie happiness from ur blog and take my word for it, librans are nothing like Julian. Librans are the angels of joy. It’s simply impossible for a libra to rot in self pity timelessly. A true libra is invincible and he/she will rise from grief one day and say “Bring it on!”. Librans are drawn to happiness and beauty. Librans rock! Librans can be lazy, but they are also very ambitious at the same time. Actually they balance laziness and ambition. Who else does balancing better?

– Cheers!, fellow libra.

23 02 2012
sireeshaavvari

Thanks for reminding me the libran true spirit. Well, just waiting to come out of this suffocating gloominess and take on tasks with renewed energy.
It was kind of you to view my blog as a source of happiness. In fact I’m relieved a bit that it’s not perceived as something obscure and bland.

27 02 2012
Sashank

god save you from julian treslove..! nice to know so many things about librans through Harita. but, i am always confused about what does this balance mean.. as i am always struggling to maintain one.

through all the comments – what i can safely conclude is librans take pride in being one.. btw, did you know: Libra is the only zodiac sign that does not symbolize a living creature.

– another fellow libran

6 03 2012
sireeshaavvari

Yeah… I agree.. achieving the balance is at best frustrating! Good to know another libran. Well, I agree that librans love being librans despite everything.

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