Birthday reflections

7 10 2009

My day started better than I expected. My parents were the ones to wish me first. – called me the night before due to the time difference (they are in India). They were followed by warm wishes from my beloved grandparents. Actually, I woke up to their call this morning. 

As I was taking the call, I noticed that the living room is arranged very neatly. And when I went to kitchen to set the rice cooker (which is usually my job in the morning), I was surprised to see it already cooking. Also I found enough evidence to say with certainty that my husband is preparing breakfast for me. Wow! Evidently, he is being very sweet to me and trying to make my day special for me. – of course, he succeeded at that. 

As I came out of the shower, I was greeted by the much awaited sweet wishes from my husband and son. I was thrilled to see the cake set on the table waiting for me. Of course, I’ve surmised that they are up to something from the muffled giggles from my son. Though the cake itself isn’t very surprising, I didn’t expect it at that moment. I was pleasantly impressed. 

But even so, as I think about all of it, I’m not exactly excited. And I can’t understand why. I can’t say I’m disappointed or sad but it also can’t be said that I’m overly joyous. For the past few days, I think I have been subconsciously programming my mind to accept the day as it is, devoid of any expectations or excitements. It’s although I wished it to be a very calm. It might be because of an inherent fear of disappointment in me. But the strange thing is, I don’t really have any expectations. Or do I? It is possible that I’m overburdened by my own unknown expectations. Who can help me if they remain obscure even to me? It might also be likely that I’m divided between two contradictory feelings: one part of me expecting something dramatic, while the other wishing the day would pass like any other day.  Whatever it is, it’s just in my mind. And how weirdly it behaves sometimes! 

Anyhow, I still didn’t come up with any idea to pamper myself – should I buy myself something, or should I go somewhere or meet a friend? I’m not able to decide. But I really want to do something – beyond the routine.




One response

8 10 2009
Happy ending « Peek Inside My Mind

[…] 7 10 2009 In this final post of the day (First: My Happy Birthday, Second: Birthday reflections), I wish to bring my birthday chronicles to an end. As I said before, it’s all in my mind. […]

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