Control the demon in you

22 04 2009

For many of us, anger or temper is like a wicked demon inside us making us behave and say things which we regret later and affect our relationships, health and even finances.

While everyone agrees that uncontrolled anger is a terrible vice, only some of us are able to tame the beast. For the rest, the following information and tips might help:

The six main reasons why people stay angry

  • To gain power and control
  • To give away responsibility
  • To enjoy the feeling of anger rush
  • As a habit
  • As a cover/defense against other emotions
  • Poor communication skills

Whatever may be the reasons, none is acceptable to go on with this behavior.

STOP MAKING EXCUSES

(Any excuse, be it a health problem/PMS or victim of abuse or angry family or anything,)

and start working on controlling your anger.

Anger Ladder (top to bottom) – have to read in reverse order.

  1. Blind rage
  2. Partially controlled violence
  3. Chasing and holding –
  4. Demands and threats – Do this or else..
  5. Swearing, screaming, yelling
  6. Blaming & shaming
  7. Cold shoulder – silence – not talking for too long – a show of indifference
  8. Sneaky anger – forgetting things intentionally just to annoy other people, playing dumb, – a way to communicate your anger

Make a promise – to stay cool for at least 24 hours (to start with)

What to do

  • Take a time-out to stop the violence
  • Wipe that frown off your face and relax – talk normally, think relaxing thoughts …
  • Quit trying to control others
  • Accept difference
  • Ask, don’t demand
  • Reward, don’t punish or threaten – praise, thoughtful comments, understanding, listening
  • Speak quietly and don’t swear
  • Be responsible for everything you say and do
  • Treat others with respect
  • Tell others what bothers you. Be direct, specific, and polite
  • Use ‘I’ statements (just state the facts)
    • An ‘I’ statement has three parts
      1. Some specific action that bothers you. (Henry, you spent the rent money on CDs)
      2. Your feelings (And now, I feel angry and scared)
      3. Your wants (I want you to take that stuff back right now)

Source: Angry all the Time by Ron Potter – Efron

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